Archive | July, 2011

“Why You’re Not Married”–an article from Huffington Post

23 Jul

I find no fault with the author’s assessment.  Her six reasons for a woman’s prolonged singleness:

  • Being too angry and bitter
  • Focusing on a man’s quirks and not on his character
  • Being too free with your body
  • Being dishonest about the level of commitment you expect from the men you date
  • Being overly focused on one’s own self.
  • Believing that you are not good enough just as you are.

So it’s true then?  I’m pretty average in my struggles after all.    While I have no stuggle with casual sex, and little current struggle with focusing on irrelevant traits in a man (like how many languages he speaks), or with being dishonest about my desire for a serious relationship and marriage, I find that I am still fighting a a championship match against anger/bitterness, selfishness/self-centeredness, and believing that today, right-this-very-minute, I am enough and worthy of a good man’s love.

What a helpful piece.

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StillSingle is Still Necessary

12 Jul

I thought I was done.  Done trying to hurry love, done trying rush the work the Lord is doing in my heart, done pushing, prodding, questioning, and urging singles away from hopelessness and discouragement.  Done blogging.

But then I went on a Missions trip to Uganda, and I couldn’t seem to stop talking to pretty much everyone about love and marriage.  I had some interesting and insightful conversations with people.  On the trip the thought occurred to me that StillSingle is still really interested in why and how love happens.

It’s been three Sundays since I have returned, having been expanded in all kinds of ways that I could not have foreseen.  I have experienced an inexplicable dimension shift which makes me want to be more of the woman who God made me to be.  I feel myself wanting to take hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of me.  I want to reach for it fearlessly.  I have found myself speaking about the Lord in the secular realm, when previously I would be silent.  I have found myself inviting people to church, when that’s really not something that I do.  I have found myself wanting to continue my pre-trip consecration of no tv, no movies, no fiction, no distractions, when just before leaving on the trip I relished the idea of finally being done with the consecration so I could go to see Bridesmaids.  “Hmmm…,” I think to myself as I notice these occurrences.

This past Sunday at church, in each of our three services babies were dedicated.  During the last service (a service I rarely ever attend  because I sing in the choir for the first two services and am not inclined to stay for a third), the guest artist who was ministering interrupted her singing to prophesy to the congregation something along the lines of, “Someone here is not happy about the baby dedications earlier.  Someone here was looking at those families, and those babies, and saying in her heart, “What about me?  I’ve been waiting and trying and hoping for so long!  Where’s my baby, God?”  Well, know that your time is coming.  It’s not over for you! It’s not over! You are going have your baby.  You’re going to email me next year and tell me that you were the one in this church that I was talking to, and you are going to email me a picture of your new baby!  Turn to your neighbor and say, “It’s not over!””  I dutifully turned to my neighbor and, lo and behold, she was holding back tears.

Now, before the service began this same teary-eyed lady took the seat next to me and began a steady chatter in my direction despite the obvious fact that I was trying to read a book.  I said in my heart, “Lord, why did you put this woman here next to me? I just want to be quiet and read. What is the purpose of her sitting here, Lord?”  But her chatter inspired no response of significance from me.  When I saw her tears, though, instantly I knew.  “You want me to pray for her, Lord!”  Well, at the end of the service , without revealing her need, she allowed me to pray for her. I prayed with all of my heart and she began to weep in earnest as I prayed.  Afterwards she decided to open up and to tell me how her heart longs for a child.  How, before the service began she had been talking to someone over coffee and wondering aloud why others had babies to dedicate and she had none.  She told me with tears that she just did not understand why she had not found a suitable mate so that she, too, could move into motherhood.  She was already over forty, she told me.

Of all the seats, in all the pews, in all the services being held in all the churches in New York, the Lord chose that seat, pew, service and church to connect me and Janice.  He wanted to encourage her, I think.  And He wanted to encourage me, too.  “It’s not over, StillSingle!  There are single souls that need an encouraging word.  Your words.  Your prayers.”

I’ll do my best, Lord.