Tag Archives: letting go

Holiday Cheer?

15 Dec

The first week of November, after the election, hope had the audacity to rumble through my world like an earthquake, shaking everything up.

The second week of November I traveled to visit relatives.  My long time friend, and number one draft pick to marry, (and ex), lives twenty minutes from my relatives.  I debated letting him know I was in town–a) because I need to move on already, it’s been years; b) because back in June I promised myself that I would not call him, at least until the end of the year, because I need to move on already; and c) because if he cared at all he would call me, or email, or something, and he doesn’t.  I finally decided to split the baby and text him.  If he wanted to see me while I was in town, great.  If not, no biggie; my weekend was packed with family stuff anyway.

He did want to see me.  I invited him to meet my relatives and me at church.  After church he gave me a ride back to their house.  Then he stayed (without a hint of a suggestion from me).  He left when I left to return home.  He’d spent the entire afternoon in my aunt’s kitchen talking and laughing. 

Elation thy name is, I mean thy initials are, WB.   The time that he gave me felt loving.  And just knowing that he still has some kind of love for me, even if it’s not the go-to-Tiffany’s-today-and-buy-a-ring kind of love, comforted a part of my heart and helped me to let go of the idea of him just a little bit.

The following weekend I went to my friend’s baby shower.  At the shower I made a new friend, Pamela.  Pamela is Called to Singleness (more later).   She and I shared a solemn and prophetic moment at the shower that culminated with her looking me in the eye and saying to me, “You are getting married.”

Elation thy prophet is Pamela.  In the days that followed, one thought headlined all others in my  mind, “Who is he, Lord?  Who will I marry?”

The last weekend of November, six days after I met Pamela, Bronxman blindsided me by declaring to me, “We could have an epic love if only you would give us a chance.”   He, for the first time in the many, many months that I’ve known him, revealed his heart to me.  Bronxman was not even on my list of potential draft picks to marry.

Panic (“Not him, Lord!”) gave way to openness. 


My heart’s wings fluttered.


And then December came…