Tag Archives: discouraged

Didja Ever Get Discouraged by Other People’s Love Lives?

10 Mar

Since January events have transpired in the lives of singles of my acquaintance that have been utterly perplexing. Time and again my fingers have hit the keyboard and typed posts that pondered and questioned and tried to understand why these women are taking steps that seem to move them in the opposite direction of marriage. At some point, though, my fingers would still on the keys. I would think, “Who am I to say what is reasonable and right? Who am I to judge someone else’s actions in matters of the heart? I don’t even have a man.” Since January I have been telling myself to just listen and support.

I was silenced on matters that matter to me most. And it has been awful.

Worse, though, is that in my silence I became discouraged. It is 2009–we’re closing out the first decade of a new millennium, a black man is President of the United States of America, and I, for one, hear God saying that He is doing a New new thing. In all of my days, there has never been a better time to believe that all kinds of things are possible–like a later-in-life first marriage. To believe that there has been a paradigm shift and facts that used to be important and outcome determinative, just don’t matter anymore–like a woman’s age as she seeks to marry and begin a family. My discouragement comes from being in the midst of friends, friends I say, who seem to prefer yesterday to tomorrow.

My heart wants to urge, to plead, and to cry out, “Only believe! Don’t settle for yesterday’s good enough. Hope for God’s best! He will do it!” But I have not cried out. “I cannot,” my fragile ego reasoned to me, “I am Still Single and they would say, or think at least, ‘Physician heal thyself.’” Instead of crying out I have listened and uttered sympathetic responses to the continuing laments from yesteryear. This has led to my avoidance of quite a few friends. And also to my avoidance of the topic of singleness altogether.

But this has been a mistake. So I am back.

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