Tag Archives: bitterness

“Why You’re Not Married”–an article from Huffington Post

23 Jul

I find no fault with the author’s assessment.  Her six reasons for a woman’s prolonged singleness:

  • Being too angry and bitter
  • Focusing on a man’s quirks and not on his character
  • Being too free with your body
  • Being dishonest about the level of commitment you expect from the men you date
  • Being overly focused on one’s own self.
  • Believing that you are not good enough just as you are.

So it’s true then?  I’m pretty average in my struggles after all.    While I have no stuggle with casual sex, and little current struggle with focusing on irrelevant traits in a man (like how many languages he speaks), or with being dishonest about my desire for a serious relationship and marriage, I find that I am still fighting a a championship match against anger/bitterness, selfishness/self-centeredness, and believing that today, right-this-very-minute, I am enough and worthy of a good man’s love.

What a helpful piece.


I’m Not Mad At Men. Am I?

14 Oct

A few weeks ago I bumped into an old guy friend–forties, never married, tall, handsome, and with career issues. After we talked I told him that he was still the same. What I thought, and didn’t say, was that it was about time for this guy to grow up and get his act together as far as work and relationships are concerned.

Then I felt bad for my lack of compassion.

Days later I talked to a friend who is in a relationship with a man who is in his forties–tall, handsome, has career issues and is a master at the game of stringing my friend along. When she told me yet another story about how he had explained his most recent offenses away and thus they were still, happily, together, I said, I’m going to pray that your relationship would begin to be pleasing again. What I thought, but did not say, was that this guy needs to figure out what he’s doing with his life already; he’s too old to be this aimless!

Then I felt bad again for judging this man harshly.

What’s more, after feeling bad for the second time in such a short span of time, I detected a troubling pattern in my thinking regarding men (e.g., men are superficial and only care about a woman’s looks, they’re broke from paying child support, they’re deadbeats for not paying child support, they’re immature with their kindles, ipads, and xboxes, they’re hypocrites morally, etc., etc., etc.).

This pattern pointed clearly to a heart that was feeling bitter towards older single men.

Bitter? Who? Me?

Soon enough I accepted the truth. I am angry at men in general, and a few in particular, for wrongs perpetrated against me, both actual and imagined. And (deep breath) I am indeed bitter.

So I have repented.

God help me.