Tag Archives: Wedding

Wedding Jitters?

14 Dec

Recently, I went bridal gown shopping with my friend.  Just us two.  Imagine.

As it turned out I loved bridal gown shopping.  My friend took me to RK Bridal, which is a warehouse of sorts.  At RK there are about six bridal consultants, six fitting rooms, and six brides at a time modeling gowns for the friends and family that accompanied them to the store–all while other brides await their chance to be assisted.  It was a show.  My friend tried on several gowns and then narrowed down her choices to three.  She made an appointment to return the next day with her mom to make the final selection.  And just like that she had a wedding gown in the $1k price range (excluding alterations), which was her goal.  Onward, looked the bride, to bridesmaids’ gowns.  And this is where the trouble began. 

My impression was that the bride did not have a concrete vision for the bridesmaids.  That she wanted to collaborate; have us all select gowns that were flattering.  However, as the process moved forward, it became apparent that the bride, in fact has a clear vision of what she wants for the bridesmaids, and that what she wants is not particularly…nice.

“Ugly bridesmaids’ dresses are de rigueur, so suck it up,” I told myself.

“Whatever the bride wants, she gets.  So get over it,” I told myself.

“At least the dress will be inexpensive,” I told myself.

But in spite of my best efforts at self-talk, I still felt unsatisfied, frustrated, even angry.  Anger was such an over-the-top reaction, though, that I had to figure out what my problem was.  Maybe it was context.  My last bride chose for me a bridesmaid gown that was stunning, in a merlot-colored satin.  Before that wedding, another girlfriend chose for me a champagne-colored Vera Wang—elegant and sophisticated.  Maybe, I told myself, I am not mentally prepared for the step-down in style.  But then I realized that, actually, I just did not want this bride to choose my bridesmaid gown.  Which took me to the heart of the matter.

I do not like the bride’s choices.  I would never choose the catering hall that she chose, or the menu that she chose, or the bridal salon or the dress that she chose; I would never choose the kind of ceremony or the kind of honeymoon that she is planning.  I do not prefer any of it!  But, and this is the thing, it is not my wedding.  And I am upset because I want it to be.  I want to be the person making choices for my own special day.

“Father, I get a special day, don’t I?,” I questioned God.  And I didn’t hear any kind of response.  The only thing I knew for sure was that God wanted me to be satisfied with Him, whether I get a day or not.   And I said in my heart, OK.  Again, surrendering what I want and embracing whatever the Lord wants for me.

A short while later I was Christmas shopping for my nieces, who are sisters aged 16 and 13.  I bought perfume and body cream for the older niece.  And, as I have for years and years gone by, I also picked up similar things for the younger niece.  Because I knew that if I got something for one, but not the other of them, there would be an issue; even though they are old enough to know better.  And right there on the selling floor I had a revelation. “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  So I am encouraged.

WB Gets Married: It Is Well With My Soul

26 Sep
Rejoice!
Image by OakleyOriginals via Flickr

After learning of WB’s impending nuptials, it took me days to get over the news.  Two days to be exact.  They say that grieving generally involves five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance.  The pattern varies depending upon the particulars of one’s situation and spirituality.  During the night and the day following my learning of the wedding, I went through denial, anger, and depression in pretty rapid succession.  By the second day I was finishing with depression and had moved forward into acceptance.  The morning of the third day, I was done.  Which was a good thing, because on the third night, a boxed and elaborate wedding invitation arrived for me.

During those two days of grieving, though, there were thoughts that got me through.  Like the fact that, though I asked regularly, WB never talked to me about his love life.  He lives far enough away from me that I never see him.  It would have been entirely possible for him to marry and have children without my ever knowing anything about it.  But he didn’t.  WB told me his news.  Though not actually saying the words, he told me as best he could, gently and with sensitivity.  Then, in addition to those gestures of my significance to him, he invited me to his wedding.  Gratefulness is what I felt.

Also, in the midst of my depressing and anxious thoughts about being StillSingle, I forced myself to distinguish between what my emotions were telling me and what I knew to be true.   From God’s perspective, was the feeling that I would never get married truth or a lie?  I decided to believe God’s truth that a husband and family are in my future.  That my having a loving marriage and children is as certain as the Second Coming.  Hopefulness is what I felt.

Finally, when I got the invitation, and such a wedding invitation I have never received —enclosed in vellum, encircled with a satin ribbon and a rhinestone embellishment, encased in a linen-type box which was bound by another satin ribbon with a jeweled clasp–I was delighted for WB’s bride.  She’s getting a fine man, and a dream wedding, I thought.  Later though, after I’d Googled her (yes I did), I thought about WB’s choice.  His bride is a nurse.  She is lovely and special, I’m sure.  WB, in choosing her, though, has chosen a pedestrian way of life.  He who could be king has, instead, chosen the life of a country lawyer.  Alas.  But on the heels of that thought it occurred to me that even such a one as Moses was called out of ordinariness to fulfill his purpose and destiny.  This reminded me of the faithfulness of God.

So WB is getting married.  Mazel Tov to him!  While I await more information about my own joyous event, I will be attending a fabulous wedding in November.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

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