Tag Archives: friend’s wedding

Wedding Jitters?

14 Dec

Recently, I went bridal gown shopping with my friend.  Just us two.  Imagine.

As it turned out I loved bridal gown shopping.  My friend took me to RK Bridal, which is a warehouse of sorts.  At RK there are about six bridal consultants, six fitting rooms, and six brides at a time modeling gowns for the friends and family that accompanied them to the store–all while other brides await their chance to be assisted.  It was a show.  My friend tried on several gowns and then narrowed down her choices to three.  She made an appointment to return the next day with her mom to make the final selection.  And just like that she had a wedding gown in the $1k price range (excluding alterations), which was her goal.  Onward, looked the bride, to bridesmaids’ gowns.  And this is where the trouble began. 

My impression was that the bride did not have a concrete vision for the bridesmaids.  That she wanted to collaborate; have us all select gowns that were flattering.  However, as the process moved forward, it became apparent that the bride, in fact has a clear vision of what she wants for the bridesmaids, and that what she wants is not particularly…nice.

“Ugly bridesmaids’ dresses are de rigueur, so suck it up,” I told myself.

“Whatever the bride wants, she gets.  So get over it,” I told myself.

“At least the dress will be inexpensive,” I told myself.

But in spite of my best efforts at self-talk, I still felt unsatisfied, frustrated, even angry.  Anger was such an over-the-top reaction, though, that I had to figure out what my problem was.  Maybe it was context.  My last bride chose for me a bridesmaid gown that was stunning, in a merlot-colored satin.  Before that wedding, another girlfriend chose for me a champagne-colored Vera Wang—elegant and sophisticated.  Maybe, I told myself, I am not mentally prepared for the step-down in style.  But then I realized that, actually, I just did not want this bride to choose my bridesmaid gown.  Which took me to the heart of the matter.

I do not like the bride’s choices.  I would never choose the catering hall that she chose, or the menu that she chose, or the bridal salon or the dress that she chose; I would never choose the kind of ceremony or the kind of honeymoon that she is planning.  I do not prefer any of it!  But, and this is the thing, it is not my wedding.  And I am upset because I want it to be.  I want to be the person making choices for my own special day.

“Father, I get a special day, don’t I?,” I questioned God.  And I didn’t hear any kind of response.  The only thing I knew for sure was that God wanted me to be satisfied with Him, whether I get a day or not.   And I said in my heart, OK.  Again, surrendering what I want and embracing whatever the Lord wants for me.

A short while later I was Christmas shopping for my nieces, who are sisters aged 16 and 13.  I bought perfume and body cream for the older niece.  And, as I have for years and years gone by, I also picked up similar things for the younger niece.  Because I knew that if I got something for one, but not the other of them, there would be an issue; even though they are old enough to know better.  And right there on the selling floor I had a revelation. “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  So I am encouraged.


WB Gets Married: The Telling of the News

23 Sep
"The Scream," by Edward Munch, c. 1893

"The Scream," by Edvard Munch, c. 1893

WB called me once in July to see how my mother was doing, since I’d talked to him weeks before and told him that she was ill.  He called me once in August to tell me that his friend Vinnie in DC needed my professional help with something in NY.  He called me in September and told me that he had some big news.  He did not want to tell me the news though, he said,  because any time he received the kind of call that he was making to me, he found it very upsetting. 

Immediately I knew what his news was.  But I dummied up and what I said to him was, “So you’re going to tell me something upsetting?”

“Well, I mean there’s the rah, rah response, but besides that it can be upsetting.”

I was absolutely sure of what his news was at this point, but I pushed this knowledge aside. 

“Why don’t you just say it?  If it was my news wouldn’t you expect me to just tell you?”

“No.  You could email me,” he responded.

“Just tell me,” I begged.

“No, I’m not going to say any more than what I’ve said.”

“Well, I look forward to learning more in the days to come.  I mean that.  I want to be one of the people who gets to learn more.”

When the call ended, so did my denial of WB’s impending nuptials.  I went to bed and fought tears.  And lost the fight.  Why doesn’t anyone want to marry me?  Am I never going to get married?  How could he love someone else?  How could he love her more than he loves me?  How could HE, of all people, be getting married?  Before me, no less?  Why do I have to learn of this now, on top of all the other stuff that my heart has had to endure these last few weeks? 

I slept.


21 Sep
Shock Poster from the National Institute of Health

Shock Poster from the National Institute of Health

This past weekend I learned that WB, my WB, is getting married.

Due to the enormity of this development, my “End of Summer Wrap-Up”  post (or whatever I was going to call it), is being preempted.   I am going to need to examine this situation from many, many different perspectives.