Tag Archives: Prayer

February Week 2 Dating Update

16 Feb

Image via Google Images

I did it!  The eharmony match that I liked the most, Ron, was wrong for me, I realized last week.  So, with great regret but with certainty, I told him au revoir.  I was nice, and so was he, and then he closed the match.  I feel like I passed an important test!  So long Mr. Wrongs of the world!  The other two matches from last week do not seem to be progressing into anything.  Warren, who seemed possible, has stopped emailing altogether.  Newt, the 7th Day Adventist, is playing phone tag with me.  Despite seven days of calling everyday and leaving charming messages and texts, we have not been able to catch each other on the phone.  Seriously.  Could be a sign.  In any case, Round Three of eharmony matches has begun.

On another note, my 13 y.o. niece and I had an interesting exchange. 
Her:  “Auntie, somebody at church told me that in the Bible it says that women are not supposed to look for a husband, but the man is supposed to look for a wife, or something like that.”
Me:  “You’re talking about the scripture that says, “He that finds a wife findeth a good thing…”
Her:  “Yeah, that’s it!  So I don’t think you should be going online looking for a husband.  You should just trust God and wait.” 
Me:   “I know.  I know.”

Which leads me, once again, to wonder if trusting God and online dating are incompatible.  I don’t think so. 

Do I?

Finally, last night I prayed an unusual prayer.  I often complain to God about being single, or mention in passing to God how much I want to be married, or wonder of the Lord if marriage is ever going to happen.  Also, I pray with a girlfriend every week and a part of our prayer time always involves each of us asking God to lead  the other of us into marriage.  What I do not generally do is use my regular prayer time to pray about marriage.  In my regular prayer time I pray about work, or ministry, or my weight, or I pray for others.   Last night, though, I had the thought that I never actually pray about getting married and that maybe I should.  I found myself praying along the lines of “Lord, I want to be married.  But I don’t just want to be married, I want to be a wife.  Lord,  give me the heart of a servant.  Help me to be supportive and loyal.  Change me so that my attitude is yielding and unselfish.”  And so on.  I don’t even know what I prayed.  All I know is that it was definitely different.  Not, “Lord, let me have…,” but “Lord, let me be…”

Wow.  Shifts and changes are happening on the inside it seems.

What about you?  Is this journey through singleness taking you anywhere new?

What Is It About Bridal Showers?

20 Jan
The marriage (detail of bride and ladies)

“The Marriage (detail of bride and ladies),” by Nicolo da Bologna, circa 1350s. Image via Wikipedia

A friend of mine, who is soon to wed in the Dominican Republic, had her bridal shower a couple of weeks ago.  According to the Evite (it was an impromptu shower since the bride was in town on a short visit), there were to be less than ten guests.  I knew pretty much everyone who would be attending.  Most were senior ministry leaders and not my contemporaries.  Only one woman was expected who is a part of my social circle.  This woman and I are friends, but not close friends.  I was glad that she would be there with me, though, like sort of a ‘single and waiting’ comrade. 

On the day of the shower, when all the guests were gathered, we began to chat and my ‘single-and waiting’ counterpart dropped the bombshell that she was engaged to be married.  The date was set.  The hall was booked.  The wedding gown was purchased.  We were all a bit joyously shocked.  How had this news of her engagement not leaked out?  More pressing for me, though, was the realization that, with this exchange of information, I suddenly became the only single in a room full of happily-coupled Christian women.  Uh-oh.

Sure enough, the conversation, and all eyes, soon turned to me and to what kinds of exciting things were happening in my life (which, of course, is the polite way that one inquires about another person’s love life).  Since I did not have an engagement to talk about, or anything remotely close to an engagement, I talked about hoping to soon buy a house.  This topic, unexpectedly and effectively, got the ladies off the topic of my love life for a good long while.  Except that the woman sitting next to me felt to share with me the memory of how, when she was my age, she too looked to buy a house on her own, a townhouse in fact.  But in the midst of her house-hunting she met her husband, and ended up getting married.  “So you never know,” she concluded.  I dummied up.  My response to her was, “So what happened with the townhouse?”

Later, the hostess asked all the guests to share relationship-words-of-wisdom with the bride.  We went around in a circle.  The others talked about their marriages.  I talked about my sister.

When the gifts were opened, there was sexy lingerie.  The most senior ministry leader in the room encouraged the bride with words along the lines of, “In your relationship with your husband you are going to discover what it really means to be a woman; what your body was designed for.”  I wondered at the implications of this statement. Is a single like me unaware of her womanhood?

Towards the end of the shower we were asked to share a prayer request.  It was to be something strongly desired or greatly needed, and too hard for anyone but God to work out.  Again we went around in a circle.  When it was my turn I sensed the other ladies holding their collective breath in hope that I would ask for prayer about marriage.  I could feel my own breath catch at the mere thought of mentioning my hope for marriage in such a setting as that one.  My prayer request was for a career change.

It was, without question, the most uncomfortable bridal shower that I have ever attended.  Mostly because I felt like I was in hiding.  For the first time in a very, very long time, at that bridal shower, among those married Christian ladies, I felt ashamed that I was still single.

To be continued.

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Is My Husband Praying for Me?

6 Jun
prayer_wall

Image via jesuswalk.com, Unknown Artist, "Kneeling at Prayer Wall"

It’s Day Five of the 30 Day Prayer Challenge, which committed my friends and me to praying for our (future) husbands daily for 30 days.   What I am enjoying most, I think, is the praying itself.  This week the prayers that I have prayed have been focused and directed, more purposeful than usual.  I have missed this kind of intentionality in prayer.

Besides the actual praying, I’m enthralled by the unfolding of God’s grace.  The point of this prayer challenge is for me to pray for my husband—that he would become fully the husband that God would have him be.  What I perceive happening, though, is that I am being changed.  I am being led towards becoming fully the wife that God would have me be.  While I am praying for my husband, God is pointing me to the truth about where I stand relative to getting married (I am far, far away).  While I am praying for my husband, God is asking me to look at myself and observe my patterns, my history, my ways, my thoughts, my heart.  While I am praying for my husband, more and more as the days progress, I am running to God desperately asking Him to help me to change.

So I wonder.  What is happening in the spiritual realm?  Perhaps while I am praying for my husband, somewhere–near or far away–my husband is praying for me.

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31 Day Challenge–Day 1

2 Jun
Women praying in the Western Wall tunnels. Thi...

Women praying in the Western Wall tunnels by David Shankbone. Image via Wikipedia

The first day of the challenge went well for me.  God helped me to arise extra early and to have a good time of prayer.   Other friends joined in the Challenge later in the day.  I was blessed to see how enthusiastic my friends are to pray for their husbands.  It reminded me that often in church history the spirit of prayer precedes a great move of God.  I’m of the firm belief that there is a crisis in our land, even in the church, over the issue of marriage.  But as the Lord said in my devotional reading this week:

“At times I might shut up the heavens so that no rain falls, or command grasshoppers to devour your crops, or send plagues among you.  Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. My eyes will be open and my ears attentive to every prayer made in this place.” 

II Chronicles 7:13-15(NIV)

God’s eyes are open and His ears attentive to every prayer that we are offering up to Him.

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Have You Prayed for Your Husband?

1 Jun
Maximov's "Sick Husband"

Maximov's "Sick Husband"

A friend recently sent me a challenge issued by Nancy Leigh Demoss’ ministry: “31 Days of Praying for Your Husband.”  The forward that my friend emailed encouraged single women to begin praying for the men that they will one day marry.

I began the challenge today with a group of my friends.  Hopefully I’ll be able to chronicle the 31-day  journey here in this blog.

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How Do You Get Over Someone?

14 Apr
Mary Magdalene, in a dramatic 19th-century pop...

Image via Wikipedia

GOOD
A tried and true and much used method of getting over a man, is to fall in love with another.  There are a few drawbacks to this strategy, however. First, there seems to be a chronic shortage of men around with whom one is likely to fall in love.  Also, even assuming a plentiful supply of easily lovable men, it’s not everyone who can fall in love on demand.  Most importantly, more times than not, if you are able to transfer your love right away from man #1 to man #2, the relationship with man #2 is probably nothing more than a rebound relationship and doomed to fail.  The rebound with man #2 might not even last long enough to get you over man #1.  The rebound might even backfire, and, instead of getting you over man #1, make man #1 look better than ever by comparison.

BETTER
A different, more promising, approach to getting over a lost love was suggested to me twice last month by two different friends.  One friend had just broken up with her guy and was living out her advice to me in real time.  The other friend has been waiting , alternately with and without much hope, for years and years to be noticed by the man she loves.  She has great familiarity with the “how to get over him” process.  Their advice:  pray about it.  Ask God to help you to get over him.  Ask for help in letting go of someone whom God has already said no about for you.  This is a very sound strategy.  The only trouble with this strategy is that, in actual practice, it turns out that praying such a prayer, and believing God to do it, is quite difficult.  Believing God to help us to yield to His will and to stop loving, when the Spirit that lives inside of us is Love Itself, is not only quite difficult, but, now that I think of it, quite possibly irrational.

BEST
As good as it might be to fall in love with another man, that can only happen when it happens.  As right as it might be to pray to get over loving the one our heart loves, I haven’t, personally, been able to wholeheartedly pray that prayer yet.  When it comes to my feelings for WB, my head prays to be over him, but my heart loves on.  And this is how it is:

 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 (AMP)

I am inclined to believe that, though there is room in my heart for me to love others, there will never be a time when my heart does not love WB.  I have loved him, I do love him, I will love him. Resistance is futile and I surrender.   That is my strategy.  The only problem with this strategy is that it requires learning how to experience and to express an irrepressible love in ways that are healthy.  Like, instead of thoughts of him leading to obsession over him, thinking of him might lead to praying for him (and not “Me and Him”!).  For me, love has to stop being an internalized, self-focused, perplexing and frustrating place.  Love has to be free to be loving, even and especially towards the one whose love I am denied.   This is God’s way of loving us, no?

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