How Do You Get Over Someone?

14 Apr
Mary Magdalene, in a dramatic 19th-century pop...

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A tried and true and much used method of getting over a man, is to fall in love with another.  There are a few drawbacks to this strategy, however. First, there seems to be a chronic shortage of men around with whom one is likely to fall in love.  Also, even assuming a plentiful supply of easily lovable men, it’s not everyone who can fall in love on demand.  Most importantly, more times than not, if you are able to transfer your love right away from man #1 to man #2, the relationship with man #2 is probably nothing more than a rebound relationship and doomed to fail.  The rebound with man #2 might not even last long enough to get you over man #1.  The rebound might even backfire, and, instead of getting you over man #1, make man #1 look better than ever by comparison.

A different, more promising, approach to getting over a lost love was suggested to me twice last month by two different friends.  One friend had just broken up with her guy and was living out her advice to me in real time.  The other friend has been waiting , alternately with and without much hope, for years and years to be noticed by the man she loves.  She has great familiarity with the “how to get over him” process.  Their advice:  pray about it.  Ask God to help you to get over him.  Ask for help in letting go of someone whom God has already said no about for you.  This is a very sound strategy.  The only trouble with this strategy is that, in actual practice, it turns out that praying such a prayer, and believing God to do it, is quite difficult.  Believing God to help us to yield to His will and to stop loving, when the Spirit that lives inside of us is Love Itself, is not only quite difficult, but, now that I think of it, quite possibly irrational.

As good as it might be to fall in love with another man, that can only happen when it happens.  As right as it might be to pray to get over loving the one our heart loves, I haven’t, personally, been able to wholeheartedly pray that prayer yet.  When it comes to my feelings for WB, my head prays to be over him, but my heart loves on.  And this is how it is:

 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 (AMP)

I am inclined to believe that, though there is room in my heart for me to love others, there will never be a time when my heart does not love WB.  I have loved him, I do love him, I will love him. Resistance is futile and I surrender.   That is my strategy.  The only problem with this strategy is that it requires learning how to experience and to express an irrepressible love in ways that are healthy.  Like, instead of thoughts of him leading to obsession over him, thinking of him might lead to praying for him (and not “Me and Him”!).  For me, love has to stop being an internalized, self-focused, perplexing and frustrating place.  Love has to be free to be loving, even and especially towards the one whose love I am denied.   This is God’s way of loving us, no?

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11 Responses to “How Do You Get Over Someone?”

  1. oxydizer February 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm #

    That’s why they say that love is Cupid’s arrow when he wants to hurt people.

    No you can’t get over break ups easily. Time heals. Social and environmental change heals faster, I guess.

    I don’t know why they say that sex is evil. Actually love has made more people sad and lonely.

    My idea of avoiding Cupid’s arrows is to wear an armor. The heart has no chance to expose itself. It’s closed and safe.

    • Sarah January 31, 2015 at 4:44 pm #

      Pray to god

  2. how to get over someone November 23, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    some excellent points here thanks a lot for sharing.

  3. Curiouslady January 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm #

    Very mature way to look at love and moving on.
    I absolutely love what you say about  “instead of thoughts of him leading to obsession over him, thinking of him might lead to praying for him (and not “Me and Him”!).  For me, love has to stop being an internalized, self-focused, perplexing and frustrating place. ”
    That was an ahh moment for me…thank you!

  4. slimchik August 12, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    You have no idea how this blog has blessed me…I stayed home from church today, because I was so sad that I can’t seem to stop loving my ex. While I know I should be in church, I’m glad I was able to read your blog!

  5. big dick baller November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    That doesnt work tried it for 12 years

  6. June 3, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

    Thanks for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts
    and I will be waiting for your next post thanks
    once again.

  7. M&M October 25, 2013 at 1:02 am #

    Thank you! I needed to know that someone else understands…

  8. Glo December 10, 2013 at 2:40 am #

    Very true. Thanx, i will pray for him.

  9. Anonymous May 11, 2016 at 10:13 am #

    The heart wants what the heart wants….. Even if our HEAD tells us something different. So I am looking for a way to pray for God to change my heart…. but even as I do that… He KNOWS my heart – so wouldn’t my prayer then be a lie????

  10. Natalie Outar December 20, 2016 at 9:42 am #

    The most profound thing I’ve read all week.

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