Tag Archives: Mr. Wrong

This Week’s Dating Update

10 Feb

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As I may have mentioned, I am on the verge of moving to the telephone phase of conversation with my next cohort of eharmony matches.  I have been on the verge of the progression for about a week (which is a whole other blogworthy subject).  There are three potential suitors. 

 Newt I have actually spoken to very briefly on the phone.  He called while he was in transit and couldn’t talk.  His stock was devalued in my eyes when I found out that he was a 7th Day Adventist.  My mind doesn’t want to accommodate this difference.  Not when there are (at least) two other perfectly good matches in the queue. Newt is my third favorite of the three. Warren is my second favorite.  He seems to be mature in the things of God, churchgoing, intelligent, happily employed, divorced, a father, and the list goes on. I like him. I’m slightly suspicious, though, of him regularly saying he will pray about this or that for me, and his use of church-speak.  Me thinkest he doth confess his faith too much.  Though it might just be my skeptical nature that is the problem.  Ron is my number one draft pick.  His profile, comments, and conversation are unnervingly compatible with my own profile, comments, and conversation.  I really, really like him.  And this is a big problem.

When I read Ron’s last email, the scales were removed from my eyes and it became clear to me that Ron is a xerox copy of Mr. X from eharmony two years ago, and of WB from forever ago.   And I was faced with the fact that something inside me is drawn to the same kind of Mr. Wrong over and over again!  Ron is intelligent, attractive, witty, well-traveled, multi-lingual–and he is a Christian who doesn’t go to church, has never been close to committing to anyone, including a child, though he is well past age 35, and who lives alone and spends most of his time alone.  He might as well post a flashing banner that says, “I do not give of myself to others.”   And that is not even the real problem.

The real problem is that a part of me is resisting reality.  A part of me wants to hope and believe that maybe Ron will find a church and maybe everything will work out in that regard and maybe he and I could live happily ever after. “He speaks French, StillSingle!”, that part of me says.  This part of me wants to continue to get to know him better, to get closer to him, despite the odds against my having any kind of future with him.  Yet, wonder of wonders, the very same part of me is skeptical about nice Mr. available, church-going, “I’ll join you in praying about that”, Warren.  This part of me has very little interest in hoping and believing that maybe Warren and I could live happily ever after.

Oh, boy.  StillSingle still has a ways to go it seems.  But, oh, boy!  I caught on to this stinky old pattern!  StillSingle is making progress!


Remind Me Again, Why Is He Mr. Wrong?

18 Feb
Prayer-is-with-gratitude-,- gratitude-is-with-...
Image by lyimuse via Flickr

It turns out that my heart has a will of its own that refuses to be subdued.

Last week after talking to one of my girlfriends, I ran out of patience with her refusal to let go of a dead-end relationship. Then I turned around and looked in a mirror and what did I see but her. Reflected back at me was a woman who refused to let go of a relationship that was destined to go nowhere. So I declared and decreed that my heart would unshackle itself from this man and move on! But my heart, sneakily, has continued to hope in him. And it says, “Remind me again why he’s Mr. Wrong?” So I do.

I say: “He’s not suitable because he has no money.”
My heart says: “Ahh, true, true. But what a coincidence that as you prayed that God would give him an income he tells you that he’s going on salary at his church; that they’re matching the salary he had at his last job. Nevertheless, you could be right in thinking that since he has no money now he’ll never have any money. Could be. Maybe.”

I say: “Also, he’s commitmentphobic. He’s not able to commit.”
My heart says: “Yes, that’s right. I remember that about him. Yet I notice that when you have crossed little emotional bridges towards him these days, and think to yourself that THIS bridge-crossing will surely trigger his instinct to run, he hasn’t run. He’s still here. And hasn’t he served his pastor for the past 15 years, even through dire circumstances. He seems committed.”

I say: “Don’t forget that he only has a H.S. diploma, and doesn’t seem to want anything more.”
My heart says: “Isn’t that the sad truth. No degrees. But…I wonder what he would say if you asked him about his plans to go back to Bible school. And I wonder, too, how many men that you’ve come across, with or without degrees, who pray God’s heart for you? (I don’t remember WB, for instance, ever really praying for you. Of course I’m probably mistaken. You would know better.) And I wonder how many men, with or without degrees, would take long moments to speak uplifting words to your discouraged soul, words based not on their love or like, but always grounded in faith in what God has said to and about you. I wonder how many men have the degree of heart that he has.”

I say: “But he’s Pentecostal! And his clothes are too fashionable. I’ve never seen him in a basic charcoal suit for goodness’ sake.”

My heart says: “He’s a friend, a confidante, and a mentor to both men and women, to those both senior and junior to him. He’s faithful. He’s attractive—even in his knee length sport coat.”

My heart makes compelling arguments.

So I’m praying.

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