(cue piano) Why Should I Feel Discouraged?

28 Oct

This week (in the wake of my younger cousin-more-like-a-brother’s wedding) I spent days in a state of total panicky despondence about the direction my life is taking, and should be taking, and isn’t taking. Days thinking of what I could do, and should do, and would love to do, if only I had the option. If only I wasn’t shackled by student loan debt. If only I were younger. If only I was smart enough. If only I didn’t have to worry about what other people think.

This week I’ve been seeing myself, in my mind’s eye, as the me I want to be, living the life I want to live. Yet at the same time, I’ve been thinking of all the reasons why pursuing this particular dream is a foolish idea. Foolish. Nonetheless, yesterday I gave myself permission to take a step towards my dream. A little step. Buying a book. What could be the harm in that?

Having decided to move forward, this morning I encountered a thought: “You know, if you go ahead with this you will never get married.”

This thought was so random and ridiculous that I knew at once that it was the enemy. And I was encouraged. Because if my little dream is generating resistance from the enemy, then I must be onto something Good.

I did go to the bookstore. While there I glimpsed a cover story on the November issue of the Oprah magazine. It said, “What’s Your True Calling? An easy does it guide to finding (and fulfilling) your life’s purpose.”

I bought the magazine.

On the very last page I read these words:

“What I know for sure: There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”

Amen.

God helped me to take a step forward today and to buy my book. God willing, I will take another step towards my future tomorrow and schedule an appointment.

What’s your true calling? Are you living it?

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