I’m Not Mad At Men. Am I?

14 Oct

A few weeks ago I bumped into an old guy friend–forties, never married, tall, handsome, and with career issues. After we talked I told him that he was still the same. What I thought, and didn’t say, was that it was about time for this guy to grow up and get his act together as far as work and relationships are concerned.

Then I felt bad for my lack of compassion.

Days later I talked to a friend who is in a relationship with a man who is in his forties–tall, handsome, has career issues and is a master at the game of stringing my friend along. When she told me yet another story about how he had explained his most recent offenses away and thus they were still, happily, together, I said, I’m going to pray that your relationship would begin to be pleasing again. What I thought, but did not say, was that this guy needs to figure out what he’s doing with his life already; he’s too old to be this aimless!

Then I felt bad again for judging this man harshly.

What’s more, after feeling bad for the second time in such a short span of time, I detected a troubling pattern in my thinking regarding men (e.g., men are superficial and only care about a woman’s looks, they’re broke from paying child support, they’re deadbeats for not paying child support, they’re immature with their kindles, ipads, and xboxes, they’re hypocrites morally, etc., etc., etc.).

This pattern pointed clearly to a heart that was feeling bitter towards older single men.

Bitter? Who? Me?

Soon enough I accepted the truth. I am angry at men in general, and a few in particular, for wrongs perpetrated against me, both actual and imagined. And (deep breath) I am indeed bitter.

So I have repented.

God help me.

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One Response to “I’m Not Mad At Men. Am I?”

  1. CC December 14, 2010 at 11:06 am #

    >…a master at the game of stringing my friend along.

    See, here’s your problem: you’re reflexively blaming men when the problem is your friend. She’s weak. She enjoys the soap opera drama.

    An analogy: Your friend owns a dog. Every time this dog pees on the sofa, your friend gives the dog a treat and pats his head and showers him with affection. Is it correct to get angry at the dog for continuing to behave in a manner that gets him a treat and praise? No. The fault lies with the owner who doesn’t set proper boundaries and who rewards misbehavior.

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