Am I A Gold Digger?

2 Oct
Image by linda yvonne via Flickr

Another thing that I learned this summer in the whirlwind of meeting new men and dating, is how much a man’s means matter to me.  I’ve always considered myself to be egalitarian when it came to a man and his money.  I always thought that women who wanted to marry “on their level” were bourgeois snob types.  I preferred to see past a man’s pocketbook or degree or title and into his character.  How astonishing for me to realize that I, too, am looking for some level of pedigree.  Even worse, I must confess that I have unwittingly set certain numbers in my mind as ideal when it comes to salary levels.  I must also confess that these ideal numbers are quite high.  Quite high.

Does this make me a gold digger? 

Probably if I grew up with a loving father, it would not even occur to me to wonder about a man’s ability to provide for his family.  These kinds of men–family men, responsible men, hardworking men—would be normal for me.  Men who were not in this category would probably not register for me as possible candidates to marry.

It seems to me that this kind of question, “Are you a gold digger?”, ultimately says more about the one who is asking than it does about anyone else.  It says, “I don’t trust women, including you, and I respect and value my money more than I respect and value a relationship with you.”  Maybe I should embrace the moniker.  Maybe I am a gold digger.  But the gold I am seeking is not material, but in the heart.

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One Response to “Am I A Gold Digger?”

  1. mathmania October 3, 2009 at 12:16 am #

    This is a very interesting blog entry. If I may be so bold as to give my male perspective…

    I don’t feel you’re a gold digger at all. Your questions are actually quite insightful. It was once thought that women were attracted to the biggest, strongest men, since they were most likely to be able to provide (hunting, protection, etc.). But now providing is paying the bills and providing for a lifestyle of choice. This isn’t gold digging, this is economic survival.

    I applaud you for being open and honest about this. I think that embracing your wants, desires and needs and understanding how a man in your life can provide these is critical in a relationship. I’ve never been fond of saying “I don’t need a woman to complete me.” The fact is that God created men and women to need each other. That’s spelled out starting in Genesis. When my married friends suggest that I don’t need a woman, I ask them how well they’d survive if their spouse left them tomorrow. Most of them get the point quickly.

    Good luck in you search and God Bless!

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