What Did I Learn From Eharmony?

28 Sep
The Summertime Blues
Image by Todd Kennedy via Flickr

My Summer of Socializing was a success, if by success I am measuring fun and purposefulness.  It was full of phone calls, first dates, more dates, excitement, hope and laughter; friends asking, “Now which one is he?”,  fun.  But along with the fun was disappointment and sadness, which ultimately led me to call off the online search for love when summer came to an end.

Having gone through the process of meeting men online, I’ve learned a few things:

  1. It is OK to be just friends.  When I first began my journey, my mind was set on romance or nothing.   This was a bad plan.  I am beginning to see that relationship building without romance is valuable and should not be regarded as a lesser outcome than relationship building with romantic overtones.  Particularly as a Christian woman, my ambition and great need is to encourage and build up others in the body of Christ.  Even, and maybe especially, single men.
  2. The world is small.  My friends and I, three of us, began eharmony around the same time.  On two separate occasions, with two different matches of mine, first one friend and then the other, realized that we had been matched with the same man.  Both times the overlap was revealed incidentally.  Both times the realization was only slightly awkward.  Both times each friend and I yielded to the other as far as the man was concerned–and we only minimally compared notes on the match in question.
  3. Being real is more important than being liked.  After Lake Placid, where I went on a mini-vacation this summer, I realized that it is not enough to be prayerful about eharmony and the matches that I communicate with.  I need to commit to making relationship with the Lord the focal point of what I am looking for in a man.  Though I worried that this might make me appear to be some kind of Jesus-freak and limit men’s interest in me, I concluded that it is more important for me to have a God-focus, and much fewer matches possibly, than to communicate with hordes of matches who do not clearly have Christ at the center of their lives.
  4. The heart is resilient.  My heart was broken (not shattered but definitely broken) this summer.  It took ample amounts of Kleenex for me to actually deal with the truth that I cared so much for one of my matches.  Ultimately this heartbreak, as much as I wished that it were not so, served to teach me the importance of risking my heart.  It served to show me that though the heart is fragile and prone to injury, the heart does heal.  This eharmony heartache that did not kill me, actually made me better able to handle the heartache that came later in the summer when I found out about my ex’s upcoming wedding.   I could manage that heartache because my heart, through the exercise of love this summer, had grown strong.  These days I feel much less afraid of loving the wrong person or of being rejected.  Both have happened and I have lived to tell the tale.
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One Response to “What Did I Learn From Eharmony?”

  1. RobD October 6, 2009 at 4:54 pm #

    Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂 🙂

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