Would You Marry an Addict?

9 Jul
Meister von Heiligenkreuz, "Ein Sterbender empfielt seine Seele Gott"

Meister von Heiligenkreuz, "Ein Sterbender empfielt seine Seele Gott"

The issue of whether or not I would marry an addict came up recently when I mentioned, over lunch with friends, that one of my eharmony matches made a comment that had me wondering if he was a substance abuser, or a former substance abuser.

One of my friends suggested that addiction was simply one type of besetting sin to which each of us is susceptible.  A believer who is caught in this type of sin should be regarded as no different from any other believer, she urged.  God is merciful, she continued, and wouldn’t necessarily allow a person’s struggle with drugs or alcohol to hinder them from getting married.

While I understand giving pause and due consideration to all that could be involved in entering a relationship with someone who has a history of addiction, I find it hard to understand not giving pause and due consideration to all that could be involved in such a relationship. Suffice it to say, my friend and I disagreed on this issue, and a perfectly lovely lunch turned edgy before we were able to restore harmony by agreeing to disagree.

After that lunch, the issue came back up for me in a different context.  Comments that a different eharmony match made caused me to wonder if there was homosexuality in his background.  Which got me to thinking–would I marry a man who had practiced homosexual sex?


My answer is:  maybe.

God is a Deliverer.  Full, complete, total, and irrevocable deliverance is available to us as believers.  If a man has experienced salvation and deliverance from any manner of trouble, then, for me, the past is a non-issue.

On the other hand, it’s not everyone who experiences full deliverance.  If a man has not been fully delivered from a destructive habit, like an addiction, then to what extent is he managing it?  Is he in a recovery program? Does he attend group meetings?  How long has he been abstinent?  Does he have a support network in place, and how often does he avail himself of support?  These are questions that matter when it comes to addiction.  My willingness to get involved would depend upon the maturity that the  man shows in dealing with his addiction.  It would matter, for example, if he were a sponsor as opposed to simply having a sponsor.

When it comes to homosexuality, my scrutiny of the situation would only grow stricter.  And my acceptance of man who formerly engaged in homosexual sex would come even more reluctantly.  One’s sexuality goes to the heart one’s fitness and ability to genuinely participate in a marriage.

Ultimately, addiction and homosexuality are types of brokenness of the soul.  God can and does restore our souls.  Let the restoration of a man’s soul be complete before his soul is yoked together with mine.  That ‘s what I say.

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