Commitmentphobic? Who, ME?

11 Jun
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Image by chillhiro via Flickr

Just like there are all kinds of alcoholics—some perform surgery every day, some can’t hold down a job—evidently, there are all kinds of people who are conflicted about commitment.  Some will tell you up front, “I am not looking for a long term relationship.” Others will tell you that what they want more than anything in the world is marriage.  Just as all the different types of alcoholics have one thing in common before seeking help(they think they do not have a problem), all the different types of commitmentphobes have one thing in common before seeking help (they think they do not have a problem).

 

This past week I have had to raise my hand, introduce myself to me, and confess that I am a non-committer.  I have pursued men who did not want me, and have allowed myself to be pursued by men who were bona fide unavailables.  Even in my interactions with friends, family, and employers, I have created distance in the relationships and have enforced boundaries to guard my freedom and independence.  I have not wanted to be that close and I have not wanted to be trapped into forever.   I am StillSingle, and I am commitmentphobic.

 

The revelation of my internal conflictedness about commitment is truly, miraculously, eye opening. I feel like the healed man in the book of John.  I once was blind, but now I see. 

 

Now I see.

 

Having been emancipated by the truth, I know that victory over this condition of mine is not far off.  Knowing that God is bringing me out of this, this week I emailed these words to friends about my singleness, about this perplexing chapter of my life: IT IS FINISHED.  And I cried from sheer joy.  It IS finished.  Amen.

 

The night after I emailed I went to the prayer meeting at my church.  The pastor exhorted us to rejoice in God’s strength, and to rejoice in the victories that God will give us. (Psalm 22:1).  Towards the end he exhorted that if any of us are facing challenging situations, we can rest assured that God has already given us the victory.  “It is finished!”, he proclaimed.

 

And so

I sing

because I’m happy 

I sing 

because I’m free 

His eye is on the sparrow 

And I know He’s watching me.

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