Let It Be or Let It Go?

23 Jun

A young blogger I came across (never mind the blog name or that she’s 25 and “still” single) ponders a changing friendship with a close girlfriend from college.   Despite the warnings of her chums, the friend is leaping into a marriage with Mr. Wrong.  What is a friend to do?  What is to become of the friendship?

Let her be, I thought loftily. Loves, and sadly husbands, come and go (even in the Hallowed Halls of Christendom), but friendship should endure despite it all.   Life isn’t about making perfect decisions; life is meant for living, loving, and greiving sometimes.  Let her be, I again thought blithely from my ivory tower of seniority.

But then I remembered my own friend, who is around 40, and also hoping and planning to leap into a marriage with Mr. Wrong despite the warnings of friends.  I recall my effort to be loyal; to refrain from doing anything more than mentioning the red flags in their relationship that wave boldly for all to see.   I’m forced to acknowledge that though we are still friends, the nature of the friendship has changed.   Neither of us is willing to tell the whole truth to the other these days.  Especailly about love.  And if you can’t talk honestly to your friend about matters of the heart then there is cause to wonder what kind of friendship you really have. 

Then also, I consider that in choosing to love Mr. Wrong my friend is no longer the same woman she once was.  Her choice redefines her.  Maybe the newly defined her is not as endearing to me as the old her.

Ultimately, letting a friend be might require letting the friendship go.  At least in some respects.  At least temporarily.  True friendship, though, will endure these wintery seasons and will thaw and bud anew.  Because, while, right now, I’m put off by her choice, in a moment, it will be my turn.  I will be the one making foolish love decisions.  I will be the one needing to be let alone.  I will be the one who is no longer so endearing.   And then, in a blink, we will ease back from yet another friend for a time. 

Yes, in friendship there are winters.  But the passing seasons simply make the roots of our friendship go deeper.  The times and the testings only cause our relationships to enlarge.

Which brings me to Sex and The City… 


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